Taming Fire
by Raychel
Summary: Olivia Benson is struggling with her Post Traumatic Stress from being tortured by Lewis. Will Elliot Stabler come to her aid and Where has he been?
1. Chapter 1

AN: Because Melting Ice was such a great hit for everyone, especially people who are recovering victims. I would like to write another story on the same subject, of course it is E/O and also, this is going to be a story where I really pour my heart out. Since I am in my own trauma therapy as I write this. These chapters will be peaks into my heart and into my mind and I hope that it touches all of you as well as helps your love for Olivia and Elliot. Alrighty then, here we go….

He was empty; his eyes gazed off into space as Olivia Benson sat in the interrogation room with her partner Nick Amaro. The suspect was not speaking a word and Olivia felt herself becoming irritated.

"You either talk now and tell us where to find the other girl or we book you for kidnapping, murder and rape." Olivia's voice echoed through the room tiny room, and she felt Nick stand up next to her, his arms crossing over his chest.

"I didn't do anything," The man finally spoke, meeting Olivia's eyes, "I would never hurt anyone… they're lying." He was so calm, so serene, so sincere that it made Olivia truly sick to her stomach, "I'm innocent," Olivia saw something in his eyes that made her feel like the room was spinning. All of the sudden, Olivia Benson felt like she was being pulled down into a deep pool, the pictures became blurry until everything went to complete darkness. Flashes went through Olivia's mind, flashes of being held down, of being looked at in _that way._

"Liv, Olivia," Nick's voice brought her back and the interrogation room was empty.

"Where did he go?" Olivia tried to stand up quickly but her balance gave out, causing Nick to wrap his arms securely around her, "What… happened?"

"Ya blacked out Liv, we had to move the guy to another room," Nick explained, a look of pain etched in his features.

"Olivia," Captain Don Cragen said from behind her and she could not help the reflex movement of pushing Nick away and backing into the wall, fighting the darkness that was trying to overtake her, "Liv… it's OK. You're safe," He tried to tell her but the cold wall reminded her of something, the light coming into the window hurt her eyes and she turned to Nick and grabbed his hands.

"Amaro, why don't you take Liv home? I'll call Cassidy and let him know-"

"No," Olivia protested, willing herself to come to the present. Focusing on her heartbeat, she tried to remind herself of the date, where she was. A tear escaped her right eye as she lost the battle, "No… I am OK." She was lying to everyone in the room including herself.

"Captain," Fin Tutuola entered the room, causing Olivia to lean back into Nick more, "We had to release him, his lawyer showed up."

"He's out?" Olivia breathed, "He's out? You mean we let a bull leave the pen with a million red flags walking around? No," Olivia shook her head, "No, we gotta get him locked up. He did this, we have evidence," Olivia felt three pairs of eyes on her, each with same expression. Sorrow mixed with sympathy.

"Come on Liv," Nick said into her ear, he was soft and gentle as if he knew that if his voice went higher it might break Olivia, "Let's get you home."

"I don't want to go home," Olivia shook her head, "I know I can't be here but I don't want to go home, no…" Olivia saw her apartment in shambles, the apartment that had been her home for so long was now dark. It was cold and she could not bring herself to go back, it would have been like walking into a room full of broken wires after getting out of a shower. Pure electric shock.

"Do you want to come to my place?" Nick offered and Olivia shook her head, "Hotel?" He suggested.

"I'll get Cassidy on the phone," The captain held out his hand to lead Olivia out of the tiny room and she noticed the shaking of her body as she let them help her out to the Squad room which was fairly empty, "Amanda, would you like to stay with Amanda?" It would have made sense for Olivia to stay with a woman; it would take away the fear factor the men sent through her subconsciously. Olivia could only think of one face, one person that would make her feel safe but it was useless, she had not heard from him in years. He had abandoned her; he no longer wanted anything to do with her. Olivia's heart hurt as she remembered Elliot Stabler, her old partner. Her old best friend, her everything.

"Fin," Olivia looked at him and with one look he understood, "You know how to get a hold of him don't you?" All eyes went to the officer and he looked like he had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. The secret was out and he was left to explain.

"Who?" Nick asked, looking at everyone but Olivia.

"Elliot," The Captain said his name and Olivia felt her entire body almost give out. Even his name, even the validation was enough to floor her, "Fin. Call him."

"Should we still call Cassidy?" Nick asked and Olivia shook her head when she thought about her boyfriend. The man she went through the motions with, the man she convinced herself that she loved. She did not want to see him, "Alright then, Elliot… he's the old partner right?" Nick's question changed Olivia's mindset, it brought her back to the present and she had to look at her present partner, "What?" He asked clueless.

"Know any other Elliot's around here?" She asked him, her voice low and he smiled at her, "That's what I thought." She swallowed hard when she looked at Fin, "Maybe you shouldn't call him."

"What? Why?" Fin was shocked.

"I can't handle it if he…" Olivia could not finish her sentence and she felt Nick tighten his supportive arm around her. What if he refused to see her or talk to her? Olivia could not handle that type of rejection at the place and time. Especially from Elliot Stabler.

"Oh trust me, we'll track him down." The Captain promised and turned to go to his office.

"I changed my mind," Olivia pulled away from Nick to stop Fin, who had his phone in hand, "I'm not thinking clearly, don't call him. He hasn't contacted me for a reason and I am sure he saw the news when…" Olivia's chest tightened, "When…"

"Get him on the phone, now. I will drag him in myself." Nick sounded primal and Olivia felt her entire body begin to shake, "Liv, you got that medication the doctor prescribed?"

"I don't want it, it makes me feel loopy," Olivia made a face as she thought of the Anxiety medication her therapist had given her to help her panic attacks. They were unlike anything she had ever felt in her life. The anxiety made her feel like the world was ending, that she might never get through it, that her mind and body would stay in a permanent state of shock.

"Then half it, it will help the shaking," Nick sounded like he was ready to shove it down her throat. She knew that he was just looking out for her so she let him go into her desk and get the bottle, "Half or whole?" Olivia did not answer; instead she took the bottle, opened it and took out a whole one. Nick handed her a bottle of water and she drank it down, fighting the urge to get sick. Her therapist had explained her difficulty to swallow or eat much, it was here body's way of trying to grasp control of the situation. Olivia let Nick help her sit down and did some deep breathing with her.

"I'm fine," Olivia insisted, "I'm OK."

"Yes you are," Nick agreed with her, "It won't last forever Liv."

"It feels like it will," Olivia set a hand on her heart, trying to feel something, "I just want things to get back to normal, Nick. I want to go back to who I am… I am not the same person I was before…. Before…" As Olivia remembered, she began to shake again.

"Shhh," Nick rubbed her back and Olivia shut her eyes, letting her feel safe with him next to her. Olivia forgot about Fin Tutuola, who stepped out of the room, phone in hand.

AN: I know this was a short chapter and I have much more of the story. I just had to keep these short, due to the impact of it all. PLEASE review! I love Reviews! They motivate me. Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks everyone fore reading and reviewing! I want to explain something really quick about how people are reacting. Olivia went through something awful and horrible that no one around her could do anything about. The only thing they could do was wait and do their jobs. Now that is she is found, the people she works with are going over the top to make sure they don't let anything happen to her again, even if it something small. This is something I have gone through myself, due to my PTSD and the reason I have it, and my friends get more protective because they were not there to help me. So they do as much as they can to make up for what they "could have" done, even though it is not their fault, they still take responsibility. (Especially the men in my life lol) You see, we all know that Olivia is capable and strong and will be just fine, it is how the people who love her are reacting…. So here is to another chapter!

Fin shut the door of the tiny interrogation room as softly as he could. He looked down at his phone, pulled out a piece of paper and dialed a phone number labeled Kathy. Elliot's ex-wife, she had to know where Elliot was since he phone had turned off. The phone rang twice before a young voice answered.

"Hello?" It was young boy, no doubt Elliot's youngest son Eli.

"Hello, is your Mother home? Tell her it's her old friend Fin," Eli laughed after Fin spoke.

"That's a funny name," Eli told Fin as the phone was being pulled away from him.

"Sorry about that," A man's voice spoke into the phone, "He likes to answer sometimes, whose calling?"

"I'm calling for Kathy, I used to work with her ex-husband, Elliot Stabler," Fin listened to the white noise as the man on the other line held back whatever comment he had about Elliot. No doubt this was the man who Kathy had been seeing while Elliot was at the office.

"Right," The man cleared his throat, "I'm afraid I have some bad news. Kathy no longer speaks to him, not since last month. So sorry I couldn't help. Have a good day," The phone was hung up and Fin stared at his LG in shock. Rage boiled up inside him and he thought about the man who had been on the other line . No wonder Elliot had left Kathy; Fin pocketed his phone before leaving the interrogation room. Olivia was no longer anywhere to be found but Nick was. He had his head in his hands as he sat at his own desk.

"Yo, what happened to Liv?" Fin called to him as he sauntered over to Nick.

"Amanda's with her," Nick answered immediately, "So… did you get a hold of him?"

"Nah, I got hung up on by-"

"He hung up on you?!" Nick's face flashed red, "OH that's it, I am going to go straighten this guy out myself," Nick pushed out his chair and grabbed his jacket.

"Easy there cowboy, I wasn't hung up on by Elliot. By his ex-wife's new man, he answered and the moment I said the name Elliot, he dropped my call like it was on fire." Fin watched Nick go from 100 degrees to 50, the man was a wreck.

"So now what?" Nick ran his hand over the nape of his neck, "We just… tell Liv that we can't find him? That will destroy her."

"I think I have a pretty good idea of what to do," Fin let Nick know, "I know where his ex-wife works." Nick began to shut down his computer, "I need you to stay here for Liv… keep an eye on her."

"Good point." Nick sighed, "And if this doesn't work?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Fin let him know before grabbing his coat and leaving the precinct.

Bellevue Hospital:

"Hi, I need to speak with Kathy Stabler please," Fin held up his badge at the nursing station of the Emergency room and the woman at the desk took action right away.

"Kathy Stabler, paging Nurse Stabler please come to the Nurse's station stat," The young nurse hung the phone up, "She should be here- looks like now." Fin turned to see Kathy, she looked worn down and terrified as if she was about to get horrible news.

"Fin? W-what's going on? Oh God… is it… one of the kids? Why is SVU here?!" As Kathy began to have her own panic attack, Fin got closer to her.

"It's personal." When he said this, Kathy sighed in relief, "I need to find Elliot," Once again Kathy's face filled with concern.

"What's happened?" Kathy did not answer and she stood her ground, "Its Olivia isn't it?" Fin did not answer as Kathy let out a scoff, "Of course it is. I saw the News a while back… that's when Elliot disappeared."

"He disappeared?" Fin felt his heart rate go up, "What do you mean he disappeared?"

"He stopped returning my calls about visitation with Eli, I know that Kathleen keeps in touch with him more then I do. After I saw the News, I called him to see if he was OK, since Olivia was missing." Kathy shook her head in sadness, "After that it was voicemail." Kathy paused, "Is Olivia alright?  
"Liv was taken by a rapist; she was tortured, drugged, starved… she's alive if that is what you are asking. She's not doing so well though, so what I need you to do is find a way for me to get a hold of Elliot." Fin waited as Kathy took this information in, "Kathy, tell me where he is. I know that you know, I can see it in your face. I am a detective remember?"

"He moved to the city near NYU," Kathy gave in, "Like I said, Kathleen has more access to him then I do. After a stunt that was pulled on her, they became close." The blonde sighed, "I would give you her cell phone but I should probably call instead of you."

"Do it," Fin pulled out his phone faster then the eye could blink. Kathy slowly took the phone and ran her free hand through her hair, it was as if she was about to make a death call.

"Honey?" Kathy sounded worried, "Yeah, it's mom." Kathy shut her eyes, "Do you know where I can find your father? It's urgent," Fin watched as Kathy listened to what sounded like yelling, "No, it's not about that… Look I know your upset with me. Kathleen, it's about Olivia!" The last sentence was an octave higher then the rest of her words. Heads were turned and Kathy ran a hand over her tired eyes, "Yes, please put your father on the phone…." Fin tapped his foot, waiting for a response, "What do you mean?" Kathy's face turned to what looked like shock, "No… don't do that. Have him call me, no wait… have him call this number back. It's Fin… you remember him right?" Kathy looked up at him and then sighed, "She wants to talk to you,"

"Give me the phone," Fin held his hand out and he looked away, "Kathleen? Hey sweetheart, you are you?"

"What happened?!" Kathleen was hysterical, "I saw the News, Dad has been beside himself. Is she OK? God please tell me that she's OK," Kathleen sobbed. Out of all of the Stabler kids, next to Eli, Kathleen was the closest to Olivia.

"Take a breath sweetheart, Liv is safe. She got away from that man and she's safe. She's OK in terms of physical but… she's not doing so well. She needs…" Fin paused before saying it, "She needs your father."

"Try telling him that," Kathleen spat out, "Ever since he heard about how Olivia was kidnapped, he went on and on about how it was his fault. How he should have been there, how he could have prevented it." Kathleen's sobs got quieter, "Do you promise that Olivia is OK?"

"Kathleen, I need you to get your dad to call me," Fin told her in a gentle voice, "Olivia needs him," Fin waited for Kathleen to respond, the other line was so silent that Fin though he might have lost the call. Fin then heard a door open and Kathleen say something. There was movement and Fin felt like time was moving more slowly as the seconds went by. Preparing himself for what was to come, Fin braced himself as he heard someone take the phone.

"Fin?" Elliot's voice came through the phone and Fin let out a relieved sigh. Finally… contact.

So what did you think? Finally tracked Elliot down…


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Sorry the chapter took so long to update. My friends surprised with a gathering for my birthday. Also sorry that the last chapter was so short and also yes, this chapter was up but I had to take it down due to my lack of proof reading.

"Fin, what's going on?" Elliot sounded different, harder then usual but worn down at the same time. He did not sound like the same person that he used to be but Fin Tutuola did not feel he had time to address that.

"Good to know you're alive," Fin reacted harshly but gathered himself, "Look, I am going to cut to the chase because this is between you and me right now. Liv doesn't know that I got a hold of you and she doesn't have to know but you owe it to her. You were there for everything man… why not this?" Fin felt the anger boil up inside him, "Twelve years and you can't even pick the phone up when-"

"You think that I didn't try?" Elliot cut him off with a voice filled with desperation, "You think I didn't try to find her? I did. I looked everywhere I could," Elliot's voice broke, "I even called the State Police and they fed me confidential bullshit."

"You couldn't call the precinct?" Fin implored. There wasn't an answer and he counted to five in his head, "Look, that's not the point. The point is that time is of the essence and she needs you right now. She's _needed_ you." He waited for Elliot to reply but nothing came back, "What the hell happened to you? Where's the Elliot Stabler who went to the ends of the Earth and almost lost his job to save Liv from the small things in life?!"

"I can't… I can't impose on her life. Do you have any idea what it would mean if I came back Fin? Any idea?" Elliot seemed to be on his own page in a different book.

"Well for one, she would have her best friend back. And she wouldn't be wondering what she did to deserve you up and leaving her. Liv deals with the wonder of why you abandoned her,"

"She thinks that I abandoned her?" Elliot's voice became a whisper, "She blames herself?" The last three words sounded fragile and it became apparent to Fin that as much as Olivia needed Elliot. He appeared to need her as well.

"Are you going to come or not? I don't have time for this," Fin decided to play hard ball.

"It's not her fault," Elliot went on, "None of this was her fault, I never wanted her to blame herself," Elliot sounded pained, "If anything she was the reason I kept going for so long."

"Elliot…I know you are going through your own shit right now but are you going to go to her place or not?" Fin grimaced when he realized that Olivia was not at her home, "Wait… she's not at her apartment."

"Oh," Elliot sounded like a light bulb went off, "She's not?"

"No. Why?"

"Because I went there, there was no answer… so I thought the worst. I thought… I thought…" Elliiot's voice trailed off and Fin couldn't believe what he was hearing. Never in his life, had he heard Elliot Stabler so beside himself. What had he done? Locked himself in a room and thrown away the key?

"I am going to give the address of where she living right now," Fin told Elliot, trying to reason with him. After giving Elliot the address he waited. "It's now your choice."

"That's on the next block from me," Elliot's tone changed, "What is she doing over here?" Fin's stomach dropped when he realized what he was about to tell Elliot. Deciding to pull the band-aid off quickly, he just went for it "You remember Brian Cassidy?"

"That guy that Liv dumped when she first started working SVU?" The strength was retuning to Elliot's voice and Fin had to smirk at the protection that came over Elliot when he mentioned another man.

"Yup, that's the guy."

"What about him?" There was an edge to Elliot's voice.

"They've been serious for over a year… she's staying with him." There was a deal silence before Elliot spoke.

"So she's got someone," Elliot sounded defensive, "Good for her… so why doesn't she just find comfort in him?" Fin felt like coming through the phone and strangling Elliot.

"She wants YOU," Fin growled, "Look, I can just tell her I couldn't find you. Maybe you're right, maybe you're not the man we all thought you were. You got the address," Fin hung up to find Kathy still standing behind him, "Geeze," He jumped.

"Sorry, I just wanted to make sure everything was OK," Kathy nodded. "I hope he goes to her… but don't count your blessings. He had the nerve to walk out on me and I'm his wife."

"You mean his ex-wife," Fin corrected her and she flushed, "No offense… but you're not her," And then Fin walked out, praying for Elliot Stabler to do the right thing. He hoped that Elliot came to his senses and went to Olivia, if he didn't he knew a few people who would help him take care of the man he used to know..

…Back at the Precinct.

Olivia felt like she was floating, she blinked her eyes when she saw he boyfriend enter the squad room. So they had called him after all, of course they had. He was all Olivia had yet she felt something missing. Brian was someone she could count on but he was not able to fill the gnawing void constantly inside of her. Brian could hug her, kiss her and hold her as close as he could but it would never be the right way. Not the way Olivia Benson had felt when _he_ had put his arms around her. Olivia shut her eyes as she remembered Elliot's touch. She longed to feel his arms around her, she wanted him so much she felt like she was breaking in two.

"Hey babe," Brian came over to her and kissed the top of her head, "Lets get you home huh?" Olivia hated how casual he was about the whole thing, it was like nothing had ever happened to her. Olivia did not want him to carry her around like a wounded puppy but she did want some validation of his concern. But no, all she got was a kiss on the head and a soft smile.

"I don't want to go home," Olivia's apartment flashed into her mind, "Can we go to your place?" Unaware of the looks everyone shared, she let Brain take her hands and pull her up, "I want this all to go away," She told Brian, "Please… just make it go away," Brian cupped her face in his hands tenderly. It was the only moment she felt him truly try to comfort her. Brian's eyes were not _his_, they did not touch hers as _his _had. They did not glow with warmth or depth that she could see.

"If I could take away all of your pain, I would. But you're safe now sweetheart, you're safe and I won't let anything happen to you."

"But you did," Olivia slipped, "You were supposed to come over… you could have been there and you weren't." Olivia knew that it was not truly his fault but she had to blame someone and it was him. Not only did she blame Lewis but she also blamed herself. Elliot would have never let this happen if he had been there but Olivia knew that she could not keep going down the Elliot road, it was just making matters worse. The fact that she could not control her thoughts, as well as her emotions frustrated her even more and she was back to square one again.

"Come on," Brian ignored her accusation and he led her out of the precinct. The mid-day sun hurt her eyes and Brian covered her face with his jacket. The car ride to his apartment felt like it took not time. It was a fog, as Olivia had flashes invade her mind but it was still a sedated fog, she felt nothing as she saw the images go through her head. Lewis tying her up, Lewis shoving Vodka down her throat, but due to the medication Olivia felt nothing. As Brian parked, he leaned over to give Olivia a kiss on the cheek, which she did not even feel. Before she knew it, she was being taken into an elevator and her hand was being held. Olivia felt nothing, she felt numb, she felt like nothing was real and she wished that she could go back in time. All of the sudden there was no memory of anything, just an empty void,

"Come on babe, let's get you inside. I'll make you some…." Brian's voice trailed off when they approached his door, "Tea," He finished after his brain registered who was sitting there, "What are you doing here?" Olivia's eyes opened and she focused on the figure at Brian's door mat. Was he real? Was he really there? Was her mind just playing tricks on her? Olivia did not like feeling doped and that was how she felt, would she even remember any of this? She doubted it. Only moments ago, she had been remembering so many things but whatever she had caught… was now gone.

"What's wrong with her?" Elliot's voice was far away and she saw him stand up, backing away slightly, Olivia almost toppled over due to the drugs and she felt Elliot and Brian both grab for her to keep her standing. His touch felt real, he seemed real but she had no idea if she was dreaming or not. It had to be a dream, something she cooked up in her mind, there was no way that Elliot Stabler knew where Brian lived. Olivia felt unwanted tears sting her eyes.

"She's foggy from the medication," Brian explained, sounding spiteful, "Once again, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Drugs? They have her on drugs?" Elliot kept his voice quiet, "That is the last thing she needs. She spent how long feeling dissociative while she was with that monster so they want to make her numb again? No," Elliot's voice turned firm. "Liv?" He sounded far away again and Olivia breathed out.

"Look, I wouldn't mind having a round with you right now but as you can see, my girlfriend needs to get inside and rest." Olivia wanted to talk, she wanted to make sense, and she wanted to stand on her own. She wanted the fog to clear but everything was moving so fast, it was slow at the same time. Her eyes needed to close but she forced them back open.

"Then I'll wait," Elliot responded. Olivia made herself look into Elliot's eyes and he kept going blurry.

"Are you real?" She thought out loud, "Am I imagining you?" Elliot zeroed in on her and she felt his strong hand touch her shoulder they way he used to. The touch was so real, it was what she had needed, what she had been remembering. It was Elliot.

"I'm here Liv, I'm truly here," And that was when Olivia blacked out.

So sorry for the cliffhanger! Next chapter ASAP! Night all!


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Hey guys, sorry for the gap. A friend came to stay and I am back now. So glad you guys are enjoying the story.

"So, you wanna tell me what you are doing here?" Brian shut the door to his bedroom as Olivia stayed in a drug induced stupor, "I mean did you just happen to wake up and thought that you could come back and she would think nothing of it?" He scoffed at Elliot, "She's under enough stress right now as it is and she doesn't need you in her life to bring back old shit. I suggest you walk away and let her let you go. She's got someone now, she's got me and you left her. Like an idiot, you broke her damn heart." The punch was not planned; Elliot had not truly intended to put his hands on Brian Cassidy. Sure, he had considered it but he never thought he would be forced to play it out. Brian fell back against the wall and checked his lip for blood.

"You have no idea what you are talking about. You don't know anything about me and the woman you claim to care so much about." Elliot hissed, "I don't have shit to you prove to you, I'm here because I care about that woman more then anyone will ever know."

"Oh, so you care about her now?" Brian pointed to the shut door, "So where were you when her brother came back and had to go to prison? Where you when she…" Brian cut himself off, "Ya know what? I guess that none of that matters now does it?" He shot out a dry laugh, "I guess that she is supposed to forget all of that stuff when she sees you? Forgive you? Is that what you expect?" Brian's eyes showed that he was tired but willing to use the last of his energy on belittling the one man who had the ability to take away the woman he loved.

"What I expect doesn't concern you," Elliot spat out, "And this isn't about what I want, this is about what she wants and the fact of the matter is that she wants _me_. Not you but me. She only settled for you because you were around. Do you honestly think that if I never left, she would have ever gotten back with you?" Elliot watched Brian's face turn red, "Admit it. You know you're not the-"

"Did it ever occur to you that the reason Olivia stayed away from me in the first place was because she knew that you were over protective?" Brian's attempt at a comeback made Elliot snicker.

"Don't kid yourself Cassidy, Liv came to me the morning after you two slept together. She clearly asked me how to let you down easy," Elliot smiled with the power of knowledge.

"You can tell me all of the bullshit lies you want to, to make yourself feel better. As the man in her life now, I am telling you to leave her alone. I will kill anyone who might hurt her and you Stabler, well you have already hurt her so I am telling you man, walk away." Brian was standing tall and Elliot could see that he meant business but he refused to stand down.

"So why isn't the rapist who stole her castrated? Were you out searching for her like I was? Or where you at work, filling out your little files and waiting on a call? Certain measures were taken to get a hold of me, Cassidy. I'm here for a reason and if you love her," Elliot pointed to the shut door, "If you love her at all Cassidy, then you will give her a chance. Just throw away the fact that you are threatened by my being here and-"

"Oh you think that I'm threatened by you?" Brian snorted, "Why the hell would I be threatened by some old partner that left her?" He was pushing it and Elliot had to keep himself calm. Brian Cassidy was like the doorman he had to get through at the moment. As much as he wanted to tell him to go to hell, he stopped himself. Olivia did not need any more drama then she was already going through. Brian Cassidy was threatened by Elliot Stabler, it was apparent by any person who observed their encounter. Elliot was on an entirely different shelf then all of the other men in Olivia's life, he always had been. It was just how things were for them. Same for Elliot, no one would ever compare to her. He had stayed away because of his fear; fear that she might reject him. Hate him for what he had done to that victim; he had murdered a child, so for that he hated himself. It only made sense that the most important woman in his life next to Kathy at the time would despise him as well.

"It's not that cut and dry," Elliot argued, "What matters is that I am here now."

"You know, the only reason I let you in is because I wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself but this is some real bullshit. You no longer have a place in her life Stabler, you left her. Her partner Nick had to pick up the pieces of the destruction you pulled on her. Why on earth would any of them want to clean that mess up again?"

"And where were you when I broke Olivia into a million pieces as you so claim?"

"I showed up a year later, ready to give her everything she needed, everything she has always deserved." Brian gave a good pitch but that's all it was. A pitch and he was not worthy of being with Olivia, nausea nipped at Elliot's stomach when he thought about how Brian Cassidy was able to do things that Elliot had only gotten to dream about. Things as small as kissing Olivia on the forehead or the cheek, it was never _acceptable_.

"Don't think I don't know about you," Elliot got closer to Cassidy, "When I was told that you were with her, I checked you out," Elliot shook his head, "Prostitutes? Really? Any intelligent man would not need any other gratification if they were in your shoes."

"Leave now before I arrest you for trespassing," Brian pulled the only card he had control over and Elliot rolled his eyes while pursing his lips.

"You can kick me out of the building until you're out of breath… but I'm not going anywhere when it comes to Olivia. Unless she says otherwise and I doubt that she will." And with the Elliot left, planning his next move.

Four Hours Later….

Olivia's eyes opened to twilight, she felt her head pounding to the beat of her heart and her eyelids stung. The sedative the doctor had given her had worn off and she was feeling the after effects of it. The flashbacks were nowhere to be found and she sighed in relief just as she flashed to a memory in the hallway. Elliot… Elliot? Had she really dreamed that he had shown up? Shaking her head at herself, she got up from the bed. Of course Elliot had not shown up, if he was going to, he would ages ago. It was just a notion that she had cooked up in her mind. Hopes mixing in with reality Yawning, Olivia left the bedroom to see Brian cooking dinner.

"Hey, how ya feeling?" Brian set down his dish towel and came over to her, "You feeling any better?" He wrapped his arms around her and he smelled of sautéed garlic and basil. Olivia's stomach grumbled, letting her know that she was in need of food.

"I guess, I mean I feel as better as I can right now," Olivia shook her head, "I mean I feel back to normal if that is what you mean… I just wish I could stay in this mode, you know?" Brian kissed her on the top of her head and she sighed into him. If only he felt the same way Elliot had, Olivia shut her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. It was low and steady; comforting so Olivia went with that.

"Yeah… I know. Hey, I got some movies this morning. Wannaa put one on while I finish dinner?" Brian smiled sweetly at her before leaving her side. The human contact was gone and Olivia hugged herself. She returned his smile and nodded, "Great." Brian went back to the kitchen but Olivia could not make herself move. Something was coming back to her, a voice? No… yes? Elliot's voice arguing with Brian's, came back to her like a radio tuning in. When Brian noticed that she had not moved, he stopped what he was doing, "You ok?" He asked her, turning down the simmering pot of pasta.

"I just… I had a dream…" Olivia's voice trailed off as she studied the apartment, "It had to have been a dream," She frowned when she saw a photo frame that had been knocked away from the wall, "How did this happen?" She picked it up and held it out to Brain. Waiting for his answer, she watched him struggle internally, "Brian?" The sound of someone hitting a wall came back to her and she jumped slightly. It was not as if Olivia Benson was clairvoyant or what have you. She had not gotten bit by a radioactive spider nor had she read up on scrying. Her mind was simply reminding her of what her subconscious knew.

"He punched me," Brian shrugged it off before checking in the oven. Olivia felt the photo frame drop from her fingers when she heard what Brain had said. Had she hallucinated that too? Did she need to go lay back down before anything else was said or done?

"_He _punched you?" Olivia's heart began to race, "What do you mean _he_ punched you?" Had Elliot really been here or was she still dreaming?

"I mean he punched me when I told him to leave," Brian explained, "You're going through enough Liv, I was just trying to look out for you. I mean all Elliot wanted to do was come along and rattle you more… you don't need that Liv." Brian did not take notice of the glazed over glare that was being sent his way. If eyes could shoot ice, then Brian Cassidy would be frozen to his very spot.

"Are you saying that Elliot Stabler was really here?" Olivia felt like she couldn't breathe. Thoughts began to process too fast, too much at once. So it had not been a dream? Brian told Elliot to leave so… he punched him? Olivia stepped away from the spot where the assault had taken place. AS if she stayed there long enough, she would relive it.

"Well yeah babe, you remember… he was sitting at the doorstep and… why do you look so surprised?" If Olivia Benson had never noticed how daft Brian was before, she was seeing it now. Of course she did not remember! Who remembered anything after taking a sedative to forget things?! Put Elliot right next to Brian and she would not hesitate to pick…

"I thought that it had been a dream," Olivia voiced, "That medication… it makes me feel like I am not here," Olivia tried to process the information, "So he _was_ here?"

"Yeah." Brian sounded slightly annoyed at how she was reacting. Had he expected her to hug him and thank him endlessly for getting rid of the man that Olivia had been wishing would show up? Was he expecting her to kiss him and tell him the he was her hero? Olivia blanched at this notion and scoffed.

"Where is he now? I mean… why did you make him leave?" Olivia's voice rose, her emotions coming to the surface.

"Because I didn't think you needed any more stress." Brian interrogated her with his eyes, ignoring dinner completely, "Liv? What's wrong?" Was he serious?

"I… I…" Olivia was at a loss for words, "I…" She stammered, "I need to lie down," Leaving Brian to cook, she went for the bedroom, shut the door and picked up her phone. Before dialing, she looked over at the nightstand where Brian had set a glass of water and a pill bottle down. Olivia stared at the tiny container, as if trying to understand its reason for being there. Anger arose inside and she snatched the bottle, took it into the bathroom with her and emptied the contents into the toilet. She would get through her anxiety the right way, not in some type of fog. Olivia did not want to forget Elliot like she had, if she had forgotten all of that, what else would she just shrug off later on?

"Come on… answer," Olivia said into the phone as she waited for Fin to pick up. It went to voicemail and she cursed. Hitting speed dial number 3, she called Nick who answered almost immediately.

"Liv! Hey. I was just thinking about ya. How ya feelin?"

"Let's just say that I could be better in the sense of the fact that my boyfriend is a complete idiot." Olivia paused, "Is Fin there by any chance?"

"Uh…" It sounded like Nick had set his phone down to look around, "Nope, I don't see him. Why? What's going on? What made you finally realize how idiotic Cassidy is?"

"Fin got a hold of Elliot" Olivia blurted out, "And Elliot showed up… he showed up and I didn't even remember until Brian told me how he kicked Elliot out. How could he do this to me?"

"Slow down Liv, how could he "who" do this? You've mentioned three different guys." Nick asked.

"Well… I guess… how could Fin do this? I told him not to and then how could Elliot just show up and how could Brian just throw him out? I don't remember correctly due to the pills," Olivia admitted, "Which I flushed by the way. Before you say anything, I know that you think the meds are necessary… they're not. I just need to do the therapy and stay away from triggers."

"Liv, calm down, it's OK. Your mind, your choice. I support you one hundred percent alright?" Nick's reply to her rant made her let out a huge exhale that she had been holding in, afraid that he was going to worry so much that his words would have a lashing with her ears.

"Thank you."

"Oh uh… Liv? This Elliot Stabler, does he have brown hair… blue eyes and looks like he is in danger of taking out the entire squad room with one swipe?"

"IS he there?" Olivia fell gently against the wall. Luckily she had not been too far away from it, otherwise she would have hurt herself and that was the last thing that she needed.

"I think so," Nick set the phone down again and Olivia felt like her heart was going to jump into her throat, "Can I help you?" Waiting to hear the answer made Olivia's stomach turn. Was he there? Was it him? Olivia could actually feel her heart beat so fast it was going through her entire head.

"Yeah… I'm looking for Olivia Benson's partner," Elliot's voice was the bowling ball that caused a strike and all of the sudden Olivia had no idea what to do. So she just stood there, waiting to see what happened on the other side of the line.

"Bingo," Nick said into the phone, "What do you want me to do?"

"Stall him, I'm coming down there." It was out of her mouth before she could even think about it.

"What? No, you can't," Nick demanded, "Be with you in one second," He sounded like he was turning in his chair and he lowered his voice, "I don't want to sound over protective but are you sure you don't want me to just… send him or come over myself?"

"I am capable of walking and flagging down a cab," Olivia felt her heart speed up as she thought of Elliot. The fact that the sun had now set, made Olivia more anxious then usual. For some reason the night made her feel like she had to be on more alert then during the day. More could happen in the night, there was no sun to shine if it needed to. There was no hope for warmth and no promise that there would be a way to seek out of anything in the dark. As a child, being afraid of the dark was a given but the fear made sense as Olivia thought about it. There were monsters lurking around, behind every corner, but children are taught to believe that there are no such things as monsters. As adults, the Monsters turned out to be real, only in the form of certain people.

"No you won't," Nick set his foot down, "Look, I don't mean to sound commanding or possessive or anything of that nature but you can't risk it. We just talked about you staying away from triggers." Nick was acting exactly how Olivia had expected him to act. He was trying to protect her from the small things, in a way she appreciated it. ON the other hand she wanted very much to tell Nick to go stuff it somewhere.

"Is he there?" Olivia asked Nick, ignoring his protests.

"Yeah. He's standing here, staring at me." Nick cleared his throat, "I'm betting to say that you're Elliot Stabler."

"And I'm betting that you're talking to Liv aren't you?" Elliot's voice was like a flavor that Olivia had forgotten, he was a scent that she had loved but had gone away. Her entire body relaxed at the same time as-

"Liv?" Brian's voice rose as he knocked on the bathroom door, "You OK in there?"

"Uh-" Olivia's mind went blank. All of the sudden she lapsed over what had just happened. The lights burned bright and she shut her eyes only to see Lewis behind them.

"Liv?" The door handle rattled and she felt her heart constrict. Why couldn't she talk? Why was this scaring her? So many questions that anyone could answer, even she could answer at a normal date and time, just not at that moment.

"Nick," Olivia whispered into the phone as she irrationally put the bin in front of the door. There was so reason to be afraid of Brian Cassidy but something was not right. The door, the knocking… Olivia hid her face as she sat down.

"Olivia," Brian's voice became louder with concern, "Sweetheart, are you OK? It's just me,"

"Nick…" Olivia's voice trailed off and she heard him say something but she could not make it out or focus on it.

"Liv, I'm on my way," Nick told her, "Just stay where you are alright?"

"Don't hang up," Olivia pleaded, "please don't." The idea of not being able to talk to Nick or hear his voice made her even more scared. Olivia tried to rid her head of all of the invasive thoughts that were rushing through her mind. None of it made sense, not to a normal person… what was normal? Olivia Benson no longer felt like she lived in the same world that she once had before being victimized.

"Liv, I need to call Cassidy and let him know what is going on, so he can back off. It's OK."

"Where is the pill bottle?" Brian's voice became harsher, "Liv… come on, talk to me baby." A phone rang from the kitchen and Olivia held her mouth shut so she did not scream. Her entire body felt like pins and needles were pricking her, that she needed to go far, far away from anything and everyone.

"Nick?" Olivia whimpered into the phone but there was no answer, "Nick… please." The trembling turned into shaking, that turned into what felt like tiny convulsions.

"He's on the line with Cassidy," Elliot's voice caused what felt like her own personal drug and she stopped shaking immediately, "It's OK, Liv. We've got people coming to the house; help is on the way. He hasn't hurt you has he?" Elliot's voice darkened.

"He would never hurt me," Olivia tried to make sense, "He just… he wouldn't…. It's me… I'm the one whose-"

"Liv, you don't have to explain yourself. You went through Hell and now anything is triggering your PTSD. It's not your fault,, you are allowed to feel scared. It is a primal instinct."

"So wrong," Olivia fought the urge to fall away, "I'm so… wrong."

"You're not wrong," Elliot sounded like he used to when he was getting her through a hard time, "You're not. Olivia, _you_ are never wrong. Well only when you took me to the one restaurant where we both ended up with food poisoning." The memory made Olivia laugh, a sound that felt foreign to her. But the moment was just a moment and she was back to feeling the way that she _had _ been.

"Why didn't you stay?" Olivia asked him, her focus going to another place.

"I was asked to leave… he would have arrested me if I stayed," Elliot explained in an apologetic voice.

"No… when you… you left. You should have stayed," Olivia began to get flashes of the squad room when Elliot had shot the little girl who was trying to avenge her mother.

"Liv?" It sounded like he was walking quickly out of the building, there were other voices around. The only voice that Olivia had to focus on was his.

"Nick's on the phone, Liv. He told me that you're in there scared right now," Brian's voice was gentle this time and her heart did not jump, it had to be a good sign, "Honey… please open the door. I am not going to hurt you. You are in the year 2013… you are wearing a shirt that I gave to you for your birthday this year." Brian was doing what they therapist had mentioned. It was a way to ground someone who was having a flashback and it was slightly working, "Last week, I took you to that bistro you love… remember?" Brian's voice cracked from the other side of the door, "Olivia, please open the door."

"Olivia?" Elliot's voice sounded off in her ear and her eyes fluttered, as if coming back to where she was. Realizing that she was against the wall, afraid of her own boyfriend, she set the phone down and kicked the trash bin aside. The door clicked open and she saw Brian, he was holding his phone against his ear but took it away when he saw her.

"Brian," Olivia pushed herself up to a standing position.

"Liv." He said gently before Olivia attacked him with a hug. He was human contact, he was a warm body and he was her only way to safety. Elliot flashed through Olivia's mind and she told herself that he would be there soon. Everything felt surreal but Elliot would make it right, he had to.

"I need him," Olivia felt herself begin to tremble again, "He was my best friend for 12 years and I need him." Olivia heard Brian's heart race and he did not say anything as he kept his arms around Olivia. They stood there for only a minute before there was a knock on the door; Olivia tensed up, holding onto Brian. Everything was so confusing, why was she so jumpy? It made no sense, no sense at all.

"It's just Nick," Brian told her gently, "Come on," Brian took her hand and led her to the living room where she stood next to the wall, staying behind Brian. He checked the peephole before opening the door. The sight of Nick caused Olivia to buckle with relief and then… she saw _him_. Elliot walked in behind Nick and before she could think, before she could even register what was happening, Olivia was in Elliot's arms. All of the things that had happened, all of the anger, the tension, the non communication went right out the window for Olivia. All that mattered was that Elliot was there, that his arms were warming her up. She never wanted to let go of him, he made her feel safer then anything or anyone ever could. He was Elliot and he was there with her, in reality.

"She had an episode," Brian told Nick what he already knew, "I didn't do anything to hurt her," It was true; Brian did not hurt her physically but in a different way. He sent away the one thing that Olivia needed most in the world.

"But he did," Olivia breathed into Elliot, only so he could hear, "He sent you away," Her entire body began to shake as she thought of how Elliot might be gone again but his arms only tightened around her. His right hand reached up to cradle her face and she sighed into him.

"Don't worry," Elliot rubbed her back, "I'm not going anywhere, I swear to you. I'm not going anywhere,"

Well that got intense O.O Rational thinking is not always there for people with PTSD. Logic can became the farthest thing from the mind when they are having a panic attack. I hope that this is helping some people as I write this. What do you guys think should happen next? I already have idea and chapters written down but I want to know what some of you want to read?

Peace and LOVE as my daughter would say.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Thank you all so much for your amazing reviews. I am so glad it is helping you and it's good for me too lol. Oh and I own nothing…

"It's not your choice," Nick Amaro insisted to Brian as Elliot helped Olivia pack her things, "It's up to Olivia and this plan works." Their conversation was far away to Olivia. All she cared about at that moment was getting her things together and going wherever Elliot was. He stood there, handing her things she need.

"He's going to hate me," Olivia said to Elliot as she heard Brian storm out of the room; she jumped as a door slammed and Elliot's arms were around her within a second. The shaking took her over for only a second before her body realized that Elliot was right there next to her.

"I'm here, I'm right here," Elliot's protective voice was turned on and Olivia looked over at Nick who did not look happy in the least. In fact he looked like he was trying to control his own rage. His jaw clenched and so did his fists but he shook it off for the sake of Olivia.

"Don't worry about him, Liv. You don't need that around you and he should know better then to do anything that is going to alarm you," Nick reassured her and she was so relieved to have Nick on her side. To have him support her decision to be next to Elliot, "So where are you taking her?"

"Home with me," Elliot took her hand so she had one free to zip up her duffel bag, "It's the only thing that makes sense," Elliot's voice was comfort mixed in with a familiar warmth, a feeling that she had not realized how much she missed until that very moment.

"Sounds good to me," Nick cleared his throat, "Liv, can I have a word with Elliot?"

"Yeah… yeah of course," Olivia nodded, "I'm going to go get my things from the bathroom," She reluctantly let go of Elliot's hand before leaving the two men to their oncoming discussion. Elliot braced himself as the two men looked at one another, he waited to hear whatever Nick had to say about the situation.

"So… I just wanted to say…" Nick cleared his throat, "That I know the history and I respect what Olivia feels that she needs. So… just don't… ya know,"

"I won't," Elliot told Nick, "I'm not going anywhere. She and I will get this worked out but trust me, I can take care of her, make sure she has what she needs." Nick studied Elliot for a minute before inhaling.

"Alright then," Nick nodded before Olivia came back into the room.

"You ready?" Elliot asked her gently and she nodded, "Alright, my car is downstairs. Wanna walk us out Nick?" Elliot asked him and he just smiled.

"Uh, sure," And the trio hurried out of the apartment, Elliot's hand never letting go of Olivia's.

"I like your place," Olivia told Elliot as he opened the door and saw that the lights were already on. It was lived in and cozy, unlike her apartment or Brian's. She never had the time to spend away from the precinct and when she did, it was hardly relaxing. Elliot's home had a sense of security, a sense of attitude. There was a couch that looked like it had been used to nap on, a blue blanket crumpled up over it. There was a glass table with a white rug underneath and it and there was a DVD case sitting aside a coaster.

"Kathleen must be here," Elliot told Olivia and she felt a sensation of comfort and familiarity.

"Dad?" Kathleen confirmed his suspicion and she showed up from the hallway, "Liv?" Her face lit up and she hurried over to give Olivia a huge hug. A smile erupted over Olivia's face and she hugged the second to Eldest Stabler child back. Memories flooded back into Olivia's mind, how she and Elliot had helped Kathleen when she was in trouble with the law. How Olivia had watched Kathleen grow up and how she always called Olivia when she needed her. Back before all of this, when things were simpler, "Oh… I'm so glad that you're OK,"

"Of course I am," Olivia promised her, reminding herself that she _was_ OK. That things were going to be just fine, eventually.

"So are you going to stay with us?" Kathleen asked, pulling back to study Olivia. Her eyes lit up with excitement, as if a long lost friend was visiting for a Holiday.

"She moved in while I wasn't looking," Elliot referred to Kathleen and smirked as he set Olivia's bag down. The dirty blonde turned on her father with a loving sigh.

"Someone had to come take care of you," She teased her father before looking back at Liv, "You should have seen dad when-"

"Honey?" Elliot interrupted his daughter, "Would you mind putting on some hot water for tea?" Kathleen took a hint and squeezed Olivia's hands before heading for the kitchen. Olivia could not help but wonder what Kathleen was about to reveal about Elliot. Had he not been doing as well as she had assumed? Olivia could tell that something was missing in Elliot's eyes, how the glow that used to be there all of the time was now dim if even there at all.

"Thank you," Olivia said to Elliot, unsure of what to do next. She was coming out of her fog of fear and realized what was going on at that very moment. She had run off on her steady boyfriend to come stay with her old partner and best friend of 12 years. How she had clung to him as if she were a child, needing comfort from the dark. A blush rose through her and she saw Eliot notice.

"You're welcome…" Elliot smiled. Neither one of them said anything; there was nothing that Olivia could think to say. Elliot looked around the living room as if trying to find a subject to talk about, "You wanna sit down?" It was all he came up with. Olivia looked at the black couch and bit her lip. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do, it felt strange to not be able to make a perfectly simple decision.

"What kind of tea do you want?" Kathleen showed up, "We have Chamomile, Green and Peppermint."

"Peppermint would be wonderful," Olivia smiled thankfully and Elliot agreed to the same thing. Kathleen disappeared and Olivia felt a surge of energy course through her, "Look who drinks tea now," It was payback for when Elliot teased her when she turned to tea after returning from an undercover job. Joking that it looked like she was always drinking flowers, Olivia had eventually gone back to coffee.

"I've always liked tea," Elliot shrugged, holding back a huge grin since he was lying, "Tea and I go way back."

"You hate tea," Olivia bantered and his smile broke through, "You… tormented me for months about how tea was diabolical. That coffee was the better route because of some Harvard study." Olivia reminded him, happy to be triggered to a happy place. This is what she needed; she needed to be able to access this… the time of her life when she was OK… when Elliot was around.

"I did not torment you for months," Elliot protested, "Only weeks." They shared a look that used to be a daily thing form of communication for them and Kathleen showed up with two cups of tea.

"Liv's right dad," She chimed in, "You hated tea until a little while ago. I believe you said it reminded you of a certain something…" Kathleen looked from Olivia to her father before stretching, "Well, I'm off to go study. If you need anything, just call." She hugged Olivia and then kissed her dad's cheek before disappearing into a room down a narrow hallway.

"Christmas," Elliot spoke up as Olivia blew on her tea.

"Come again?"

"Christmas, tea reminds me of Christmas," Elliot tried to recover but Olivia was already smiling into the steam of her tea. Elliot had started drinking it because it reminded him of her. What else was she going to discover? The tea felt wonderful, sweet and soothing. Happy memories of long night stake outs with Elliot flooded her mind and she felt herself go off into her own personal happy place.

"Oh… yeah… gotta love Christmas," Olivia took another sip, her cheeks flushing from the adrenaline washing over her. It was the same feeling she always got with Elliot, butterflies that took over her entire body.

"Ya hungry?" Elliot asked her, causing her stomach to growl. Oh right… she forgot that she had been anticipating Brian's meal that he had been cooking for her. A pang of guilt hit her and she just shrugged. All of the sudden she was back to a feeling of cold and she wanted so badly for it to go away, "Did I say something wrong?" Elliot asked her in a concerned voice.

"It's just-"Olivia paused, should she tell him? Elliot had opened his home up to her, he had an ear and shoulder for her and Olivia went back to the place where she once confided in him, "Brian was making me dinner and… I left," No longer interested in her tea; Olivia set it down on a nearby table that had framed photos of Elliot's kids.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, you couldn't help what happened." Elliot reassured her.

"It doesn't matter," Olivia was wracked with even more guilt as she thought of how Brian must be feeling. Rejected and hurt, he _had_ been there for her even if he had not been Elliot. Elliot approached her and set his cup of tea next to her own.

"Don't get me wrong… I am grateful for this but… maybe I should… maybe…" Olivia bit her lip as she tried to say it.

"What? Tough it out?" Elliot scoffed, "You shouldn't have to tough out anything. You've been through-" Elliot stopped himself from a huge rant and breathed in deeply, "You went through enough and more, you need people who are going to make sure that you feel safe, that you know that you're… loved," Elliot looked away for the last part and Olivia's shoulders fell.

"El?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we take things slow? I mean… it's been a long time gap, you've got a new life and I moved on as well as I could. So… why don't we just… take everything as it comes?" Olivia watched him relax, a smile appearing on his mouth. Without a word, Elliot got his cup of tea and held hers out to her. Olivia accepted it and she watched Elliot raise his mug.

"To taking it slow," He waited for her to raise her own mug and the goofy feeling came back. Damn him for making her moods swing faster then a ride at a playground.

"To taking it slow," She clinked her mug against his and covered her smile with more tea. If she could snapshot a moment and keep it in her pocket forever, this would be the moment, here… with Elliot.

OOOOH this story is just getting started. Such an awesome outlet and once again so happy that you guys are loving it. More soon!


	6. Chapter 6

AN: I am sooo sorry for that awfully long pause! I had some personal stuff happen along with the Holidays! I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and whoever did not/des not celebrate, happy Holidays to you as well. I am still in shock recovery from Chris Meloni shooting my tweet a FAVORITE of his. I kind of went into a type of shock thing lol. He is so awesome. OK, now onto the story. So happy that everyone is enjoying it and it is helping as well!

"NO!" Olivia shot up from sleep, her ears were ringing and her cheeks were stained from tears she must have shed in her sleep. Looking around at her surroundings, she did not recognize anything at all. Panic arose in her as took it in the living room that was not familiar, the smell was more of an apple spice and she saw a soft glow from a lamp next to her. As her eyes adjusted, she tried to remember where she was and what had happened. A sound came from the left of her and she tensed, ready to defend herself if need be.

"Hey," His voice brought her back and she saw Elliot show up from the hallway. "You're awake," Olivia let out a huge exhale when she remembered where she was. She looked around her and realized that she must have fallen asleep on his couch. The blanket was draped over her as if laid over her in case she got cold; she rubbed her eyes as Elliot came to join her on the ouch. Olivia ran a hand through her messy hair and just shook her head, as if maybe that might help the images go away.

"I'm sorry if I woke you," She said in a small voice. A voice that she did not recognize. Olivia Benson had a type of strength, an edge in her but it was nowhere to be found at that moment. She was not used to being so vulnerable and it hurt.. None of this was her fault; she knew that on some level. On the other hand, she was completely convinced that if she had done something different… if Brian had been able to come over or if she had agreed to go out to eat with her co-workers maybe none of this would have happened. At that moment Lewis was behind bars and the key had been thrown away but that only quelled the anger for a moment. He was off in a cell somewhere, probably bragging about what he had done. A part of Olivia wanted to go see him locked up, yell at him… make him feel just as horrible as he made her feel. All she would see would be a pair of cold and heartless eyes staring back at her … a monster, a person who had broken a part of her. A part of her that had never been violated before, a part that should have never been harmed in the first place. Olivia felt dirty as she remembered how-

"You didn't wake me," Elliot's response brought her back again she made her eyes focus on his, "I uh… I've been reading… in that chair over there," He pointed to a recliner that was parallel to the couch, "I had gotten up to get some water," Elliot shrugged and bit his lip before talking again, "I uh… hope you don't mind that I'm out here with you. I just, I didn't want to leave you alone." Elliot's face flushed as if her were embarrassed but Olivia only felt touched by his gesture. It made her feel safer that Elliot was sitting by her side, watching over her as she slumbered. It was the most vulnerable time for anyone, eyes shut and body entirely relaxed… Olivia would never see anything coming. The idea caused her to shiver and she moved closer to Elliot instinctively.

"Thank you," Olivia told him, "You don't have to do that," but the truth was that she wanted him to; that she needed him to watch over her while she slept. It was the only way she _could_ sleep and she reached out to give his hand a small squeeze. The contact was like a drink of calming elixir.

"My God you are still as stubborn as I remember," Elliot smiled lovingly at her, "And… yeah I do Liv. Not just because I _have_ to but because I want to, look I know that you are here for my support but…" He paused before speaking again, "I'm just… I've missed you that's all," He confessed, opening up a little, he even squirmed, "Truth is Liv, I have not been able to rest since the last time we saw each other. Sure I can sleep… barely though. I just… keep seeing her face, as the life went out of her. A life that I took and then I see the look on your face and I cannot imagine having to bare through any more moments with you looking at me like that," Elliot stopped himself, "Sorry, I don't mean to vent on you, I mean you're here because you need _me_, not the other way around right?" Elliot looked at coaster on the table as Olivia just watched him. She waited until too much time passed before saying,

" Elliot, it's always been a two way street," Olivia voiced, her strength coming back. The conviction in her voice that she once had whenever Elliot was around, "We always did take care of each other," Olivia pulled her hand away and sat up entirely to set her feet on the floor, "I honestly had no idea," Olivia admitted, now focusing on the same coaster that Elliot had once been staring at. Now it was his turn to watch her, "I had no idea you felt that way… I was shocked at what happened, it didn't change how I felt about my partner… my best friend."

"What do you mean?" Elliot's voice was hushed and surprised, "Did you think…" His voice trailed off, "No, no we can't talk about this yet."

"El, I can take it," Olivia let him know and he just winced.

"I can't," His admission shed light on the area and Olivia felt realization come over her. All of the sudden the house of cards that she had been building flew over and the cards dispersed inside her mind. Olivia had always imagined Elliot moving on with his life, moving on without her. Leaving the job so he could be done with it all; the late hours, the sleepless days and be done with her. It had not even occurred to Olivia that Elliot had even considered what she had thought about the incident. He never talked to her about it so she figured that he just wanted to forget everything. Olivia looked at the carpet, that was well lived on and took in the scent of Elliot's cologne and realized that this had become Elliot's life due to the incident. The absence of his wife of over 20 years was due to what? Kathy would have never cut ties with Elliot because he killed a victim on Cop instinct, well she probably might but that was shitty even for Kathy.

"It wasn't your fault," Olivia blurted out, not able to hold it in. Her mind was over flowing with new speculation and ideas.

"Liv-" Elliot tried to interject.

"No, please listen to me. El, you were doing your job. It was instinct, it was the job, it was not you." Olivia insisted.

"Of course it was me, Liv! She died in my arms after I shot her," Elliot's choked back a glaze of tears that ran over his eyes, "Me… I was the one that pulled the gun, pulled the trigger and I was the one responsible for her death."

"She was a threat to the entire room, she had a deadly weapon, she shot someone…" Olivia all of the sudden felt the need to comfort him, perhaps she was eager to not think about her own demise but Elliot's pain was always hers, "I'm sorry," She sighed, "I guess I just want you to know that whatever you think I felt that day is not true,"

"The look of absolute disappointment and… you looked scared Liv," Elliot's voice hardened, "I put that fear in your eyes."

"That fear? That fear in my eyes was for you," Olivia felt her emotions sky rocket and her own tears threatened her. The squad room was clear in her mind and she swallowed back the possible sobs, "I was afraid of what they were going to do to _you_." Olivia made him look at her by touching his shoulder, "I know that the death of that victim was horrible but in all honesty I was terrified for _you_." The surprise in Elliot's eyes shined as she went on, "All I kept thinking of what I was going to do if they…" The tears started, "They took your shield or threw you away and locked away the key." All of the sadness from Elliot's departure came to the surface for her and she felt her heart constrict, "What made you think that after all of those times when we picked each other over the job, that this would be any different?" Olivia could not stop, "How many people did we help and how many of you are there?"

"Liv-"

"There is only_ one_ of you," The pain was now all over the surface and she could not choke it back down, she could not hide it. It was there and so very real.

"Shhh, don't cry," Elliot reached over to tuck her hair behind her ear and wiped away a tear of hers, "I had no idea, God I thought that you hated me," A tear escaped from his left eye and he swallowed hard, "I'm _so_ sorry Olivia," When his arms engulfed her, the tears ran together like a cloud that was over precipitated, "I'm sorry," He repeated and she held onto him, her fingers practically pulling his shirt so tightly around him that it was a wonder that he could still breathe. Olivia was not sure how long she cried in his arms or how long Elliot held in his own tears, until they mixed with hers.

"Liv? Dad?" Kathleen's voice caused Olivia to pull away so abruptly from Elliot that she hit his chin with her head.

"OW!"

"Sorry!" Olivia cringed as Elliot rubbed his jaw as Kathleen just looked slightly amused with the two adults.

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt the digital moment, I just wanted to check on you. I heard crying so…" Kathleen yawned, "Well, I hope those are tears of closure," She touched her father's cheek, "Dad's needed it," Olivia was given a smile, "And you needed it too." Then she was gone. Olivia sat there in what felt like emotional overload. Elliot said nothing as he ran his hand over Olivia's arm, for his fingers to find her own. Entwined and interlocked he pulled her back to him and she laid her head on his chest. Elliot pulled the abandoned blanket over Olivia's shoulders. Knowing there was enough for both of them, she pulled out enough blanket to cover him as well. She felt Elliot kiss the top of her head and that was when she shut her eyes, falling into a deep and safe sleep.

OK! Next Chapter up ASAP. I wanted to give you guys something lol. Also we needed some EO and some closure from that.


	7. CMsidetracks me when he hearts my tweets

AN: Hey guys, it is nice to be writing again! So happy you are loving the story and so awesome how it is getting around the interwebs. Thanks so much for reading and I own nothing!

His chest was rising and falling in a peaceful steady as Olivia felt her body stir from sleep. She felt strong arms holding her against him, his heartbeat dancing with her own at the same pace. Despite the deep slumber Elliot was in, he managed to keep his tight hold on her. As though if anything happened, she would be protected no matter what. Waking up next to him, how her body fit next to his and how perfect his torso was to hold onto… it was a sensation that Olivia never thought that she would feel. Lines were being crossed and the box was being thrown away as her vision focused. The traffic outside was faint and birds chirped by the window closest to them. Elliot stayed peaceful as she snuggled closer trying not to wake him up. If Olivia could keep the world just like this she would, she would stays in his arms forever. In his presence always, she was only complete when he was with her. Elliot had been holding a piece of her with him when he had left, a piece that she had forgotten about. Now she wanted him to keep it forever along with her.

"Liv?" Elliot's voice was above a whisper, his arms tightening around her and she looked up at him. His eyes were still closed but his face distorted into pain, "Liv… Olivia… I'm here…." He was dreaming. He was dreaming about her and tears that would never fall, crept into her eyes. Olivia removed her right arm from his chest and reached up to touch his cheek softly. Elliot moved his head, sensing her touch and she decided that she would try to wake him from the nightmare where he was trying to save her.

"El?" Olivia said, coaxing him to wake, "Elliot? Open your eyes…" She watched as he shifted so that her hand was now over his neck, he set his head atop her own and she breathed him in, "Come back to me," Once those words were out, Elliot felt like he became aware. There was a sharp inhale as he was pulled out of his dream world.

"Oh…" He let out a sigh of relief, "Just a dream," Sleep dripped from his voice but he did not release his grip on Olivia, "You're OK," He held onto her as if she might fall away if he let go. Perhaps Elliot was right, life could come by any moment and force her away from him and he did not want to lose her again. That he was ready to soak up every moment he had with her, just in case there came a time where there was none. Olivia returned his grip as she thought of the same fear.

"I'm OK," Olivia let him know, taking in his touch, taking in the way he made her feel. The way her heartbeat slowed to a relaxing beat as she felt Elliot's body next to her own. Only ever wondering what it would be like to wake up next to him, to sleep next to Elliot… it had always been a question of what it might feel like. Would it be a taste of something she would never have? Olivia held onto him, letting herself feel the contact.

"I had a nightmare that…" Elliot started, "I'm awake now… and you're OK,"

"It's OK… I'm alright," Olivia reassured him. They sat in a minute of silence before Elliot stretched his legs.

"How did you sleep?" Elliot asked her, "It couldn't have been comfortable, we mainly sat up." Elliot paused, "Ok, well I did. You-"

"I slept perfectly," Olivia cut him off, looking up at him. Their faces were dangerously close and she saw something flash over Elliot's eyes, they darted down to her lips and she felt the connection. It was not the time; it was not supposed to happen like this. It had already happened though, there was only one thing left to do…

"Brian," Olivia had to say, breaking the moment and Elliot's eye narrowed in confusion, "He's my boyfriend," It was all she could think of saying, she did not want to be that woman… that person. Even though Elliot seemed to be the exception, he trumped everything and everyone.

"Right," Elliot sighed, his arms loosening and Olivia regretted even saying anything. Nothing shot down a moment more then mentioning another man. Olivia had to wonder if it would even be a good idea to go deeper with Elliot at a time when they were both so vulnerable. No matter what… feelings for him stirred inside of her and she had to sit up. Away from him and her body missed his almost immediately.

"I wish things were different," Olivia said to no one in particular, "I wish that my thoughts were more clear… that _I_ was more clear."

"You've been through a lot, don't judge yourself Olivia," Elliot reassured her, "Time is forever," He paused, "Are you hungry? You didn't get to eat anything last night." He shifted gears.

"I am… a bit hungry," Olivia let him know and he smiled softly, "How about you?"

"I could eat," The way he answered brought back memories for Olivia, it was how he used to reply when she would ask on their late nights. Olivia thought of all the time they spent with one another. How she never got sick of him nor did he ever show signs of needing to get away. The constant reliance and contact they kept seemed to be a lifeline they both had needed. Elliot had become a part of her and it never went against saying that partners were sometimes closer then married couples. Olivia could not remember a time when she and Elliot stopped contact for longer then a day. Even when he was off for the week-end with his kids, Olivia would still get call from him. To go from complete contact to nothing had been a shock to the heart, mind and soul for her.

"Where's Kathleen?" Olivia looked around, seeing that the girl's things were gone from the counter, "And what time is it exactly?"

"She's probably at class… and it is…" Elliot looked at his watch, "11:12 AM, holy crap we slept for that long?"

"Sleep flies when you're comfortable," Olivia stretched her body out as she sat up, "Oh no… wait, did you say it was 11?"

"Yeah, why?" Elliot sounded concerned at the sudden alertness in her body language.

"I have an appointment at One," Reality crashed into Olivia and her entire body fell from an invisible weight. Right, therapy… the one place that was meant for her to safely break for an hour. Olivia didn't need therapy, she had Elliot but even he wasn't completely enough to help her mind and body heal. There was only so much another person could offer a recovering trauma victim.

"Well you wanna grab a bite and then I'll take you?" Elliot stood up to match her.

"In this traffic? In this time of day?" Olivia cocked on eyebrow at him, "Yeah… dream big."

"Well, good to see you're still the same Liv… before caffeine."

"I'm sorry," Olivia sighed, "I don't mean to sound short, I just hate going there." As much as she wanted to elaborate she did not have to when Elliot gave her an understanding smile.

"I get it; you take your emotions out during the job. I remember,"

"I just feel so awful afterwards. I get through one week and then I am back in his office, reliving it all. I mean, I know it's healing but I just want to shove it all down. Just pretend it never happened," Olivia shut her eyes as flashes of Lewis streamed through her mind and Elliot's hand took hers, "It's just so vivid. I can remember how it smelled… how it felt,"

"Olivia, you're right here. With me, feel my hand?" He gave hers a squeeze, "Smell that insanely strong candle that Kathleen likes to light when she is in study mode?" Olivia laughed as she opened her eyes back up to see Elliot's sparkling eyes staring back at her, "You're safe here Liv,"

"I know," And then it was back. That feeling of needing to be entirely close to him, to be back in his arms and to never leave but she reminded herself that she was involved with Brian Cassidy. She cared about him but there was something that he had never been able to fill for her, no matter how much he cared about her. How much he cooked for her or how many times he held her close at night. It was never what she needed, she had settled because he was not the person that was standing right before her. As the realization hit Olivia, she actually pulled away from Elliot. Her guards going up, what if he did not feel the same way? No, that was ridiculous. The way he touched her, the way he looked at her, it was the same way she treated him.

"What happened?" Elliot took notice of her immediate change and she sighed. Brian never caught on to her cues, in fact he never even tried. Elliot was always studying her, like he was always looking out for two. Not just one.

"Why can't you ever be like… aloof when it comes to me?" Olivia amused herself by asking Elliot who too looked baffled.

"Huh?" Was all Elliot said.

"I can't blink or move without you taking notice,"

"Don't be silly, Liv. Of course you can blink or move… it's just I can tell when you're uncomfortable. When something is on your mind, when you're hungry… I could go on. I can't help it, it's automatic," Elliot shrugged and she knew exactly what he meant, "You know how it is,"

"Yeah, that's true. Lord knows that I can read you by just a look in your left eye," Olivia took her jacket from Elliot and put it on, still feeling sleepy.

"My left eye?"

"Yes. There is this thing that you do with your left eye, you squint as you are thinking and I raise my eyebrow at you and we have a silent conversation," Olivia said it so smoothly that something seemed to click for them both. There was a look of warm wonder on Elliot's face and Olivia felt her entire body heat up, no this was not happening. Never was a worst time… so vulnerable and so taken. Olivia had to remind herself.

"Tell you what, I'll get us some coffee on the way to your appointment and then while you are in there I will get some food so by the time you are done, we can eat." Olivia had never heard of such a great plan before but she had to stop herself from getting carried away.

"I'm not at my best after therapy," She warned him, thinking of how Brian would usually act afterwards. He never bothered to talk to her since she was always in such distress the evening after and the next day.

"How many times have I seen you at your worst?" Elliot reminded her, "Damn, how many times have you seen me at _my_ worst?" Elliot cringed, "There is nothing you can do or say to phase me." Elliot was right, there were times that neither of them spoke about accept to each other. Elliot had been with her through the darkest of times and she had done the same for him. Elliot Stabler was not Brian Cassidy, he would not avoid her or try to put a movie in to silence her. Elliot chased after Olivia so many times when she tried to push him away, when she tried to have boyfriends or have another life besides work. Elliot was always there, making sure she knew that he had her back, come what may.

"You're right," Olivia had to smile at him.

"Of course I'm right," They shared a knowing look but were interrupted as Elliot's buzzer went off. Olivia tensed immediately at the sound and held her breath, "Liv? Go to the bedroom," He told her, understanding her fear, "I don't care if it's a girl scout, your anxiety just shot up times a million." Olivia did not argue with him, he was right. Her heart was going a million beats a second which was not possible but she felt her heart in throat, the throbbing as she headed into Elliot's Bedroom. The moment she was inside, her heart stopped to go back down to normal when she saw the photos of her and Elliot that were on his dresser. Her anxiety ran off when everything registered, Elliot Stabler had photos of them from work parties and birthdays on his dresser, in his room.

"Oh my God," Olivia whispered out as memories came back to her, how they were together, how happy everything was even though they worked such a grueling job. The photos showed the light they brought out in one another, a light that Olivia had never though she would witness again. She did not hear Elliot enter behind her but she felt his presence.

"Oh… those…" Elliot cleared his throat, "I can explain all of that later… but now your boyfriend is at the front door," The mirage was wiped out and Olivia turned to make a face at him.

"Brian's here?" Oh how dare he ruin this moment for her, the happy warm feelings were shoved in a hole somewhere and she pushed past Elliot to head to the living room. Brian stood there with a little white flag of a smile on his face and Olivia tried to return it but she failed, "Hi."

"Hey… I uh tried to call but you but there was no answer," Olivia felt Elliot return to the room and she saw a cloud cover Brian's eyes. He looked downward as if blinded; after a moment he approached Olivia, his hands in his pockets.

"Is everything OK?" It was all Olivia could think to ask. Why else would he be there? Checking up on her?

"I was just taking a lunch and thought I would come by and see how you're doing. You OK?" Olivia was seeing a different side to Brian and she felt that it was due to Elliot's presence.

"Just heading out actually," Olivia blurted out; wanting to retract the statement but it was too late.

"Oh that's right, therapy." Brian nodded, "I can give you a ride on my way in." He looked so harmless and there was a type of desperation in his form. The way he looked like he was losing something more valuable to him then any other object. Brian saw the natural threat of Elliot Stabler, a man who moved mountains for Olivia and would part the seas if he had to. Brian would never be that man for Olivia, perhaps for another woman out there but the mountains he would try to move for her would never be big enough.

"Well, we were going to get some coffee and kind of take our time," Olivia tried to stop herself; she wanted to tell her boyfriend that she would be happy to accept his gesture. Olivia just did not see the point in taking help from someone who was still in check when she already had her checkmate.

"Oh," Brian stayed calm with a touch of hurt on him. Olivia all of the sudden felt a tug of guilt but then she remembered how Brian had acted; she remembered how he had gotten rid of Elliot and how he told Elliot to get out of her life, "Well, ok."

"I'll call you?" Olivia stepped back as he moved in to give her a hug, so he only got the top of her head to kiss, "Yeah, I'll call you tonight." Olivia held her composure as well as she could.

"You sure you don't want me to drive you?" Brian tried one last time and Olivia just gave a curt nod.

"I'll talk to you tonight," Olivia watched as he left, not even acknowledging Elliot. Once the door was shut, Olivia let out a deep breath.

"Well that went better then I thought it might," Elliot admitted.

"We should get going," Olivia detached herself, she got her purse from the counter as Elliot grabbed his keys, "And please don't ask me if I am OK, I want to save it for the person I am paying 300 dollars an hour to see." And with that they headed out, onto the next step.

SO… please review! This chapter was going to be longer but I lost my brain while writing this when I got the notification that Chris Meloni favorited another tweet of mine. That man really knows how to send me into a whirlwind of WTF mind. No one can make me starstruck but him or Mariska.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I own nothing. I was going to update sooner but once again I was caught in the twittersphere. Shout out the Nancy, who watched my EO vids and retweeted them and followed me. So Keifer Sutherland told me to stick to writing but I also want to produce… hm. I think I will do both :D Also to Twitter… How dare you suck me in.

Elliot gave Olivia's hand a squeeze before he watched her go into the therapist office. Once she disappeared, his demeanor faltered. The strong exterior fell away and he was exposed. He blinked as tears rimmed his eyes, he could feel it all coming up, everything and he shook his head as if trying to get away. Olivia was broken; she was in a therapy session right at that moment to get help with professional glue. How much Elliot wanted to be able to put things back together for her, how much he wanted for his arms to be enough for Olivia. Opening his home to her was the only thing he felt he could do that was plausible. Everything else he wanted to do was not reasonable, not in the real world. Olivia was with Brian and even she reminded him earlier that morning before he had been able to do what he had always dreamed of. Night after night, year after year and when he was in the middle of his first divorce with his ex wife Kathy, Elliot pined for Olivia. His eyes were opened when he was forced to feel what it might be like to lose her forever. When her neck had been cut and he saw her fall, he was blinded. The little boy in front of him blurred and all he could think about would be the last few minutes with the woman he truly loved.

"Stupid," Elliot hissed to himself as he remembered holding Olivia in his arms, having her tell him to leave her, that she was fine. The little boy's face flashed in Elliot's mind and he felt another set of tears threatened him, "It's the past," He reminded himself. Even though he remembered everything about that day, like his mind photographed it all. For a long time Elliot had a hard time looking at his reflection in the mirror. After becoming a monster like the ones they caught everyday, Elliot could not bare to face Olivia. The idea that she could never see him the same way she had, the fear that she might always look at him like that. Olivia had cleared things up for him the night before, letting him know that she had not been afraid of him but _for_ him.

"Dammit," Elliot cursed to no one as he turned to his car, he told Olivia that he would go pick up some food for them. The truth was that Elliot was not interested in food; he had no desire to pay attention to anything but… "Olivia." He finished his thought and his car alarm beeped as he unlocked it with his keys. Elliot wiped the moisture out of his eyes and got into the car. Turning the engine over, he headed into traffic, forcing himself to think about food.

MEANWHILE

Brian watched as Elliot pulled away, his hands gripped his own steering wheel and he began to see red. Not able to contain his emotions, he got out of the car and headed into the therapy office. Olivia was sitting down, looking at a magazine; the guy must have been running late. It gave Brian the perfect chance to talk to her. He hoped that he could convince her to come back to his home, come back to his life and make her forget Elliot. The way she looked at him was never a gaze that Brian got and that really pissed him off.

"Liv." The look of shock and surprise on Olivia's face sent an imaginary knife to his heart and he felt like his lungs were collapsing, "Hey…"

"What the hell are you doing here?" She did not look like a girlfriend happy to see her boyfriend, she looked like a woman who had just dumped him and was now pissed off that he was bothering her.

"Good to see you too," Brian could not hide his venom and he saw Olivia flash for a second. Oh no, no he couldn't do that to her again, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to startle you." Brian lowered his voice, "I know that your session will start any moment but I wondered if we could talk afterwards?" Brian was on his lunch break and he would have taken his time if he could but this had to be settled for him, he had to being her back to him.

"Miss Benson?" The receptionist spoke over Brian.

"Yes?" Olivia sounded out of breath.

"I'm afraid that he's running late, he wants to know if you want to reschedule for Thursday." Brian could not believe his luck; however Olivia did not seem to feel the same.

"Fine," She got up and pulled her cell phone out, "I really don't feel like talking to you right now. I told you that I would call you." The magazine fell from her hands as she made distance between them both. It was like she had gotten on a one way flight to somewhere he wasn't and she refused to ever come back.

"Come home," Brian pleaded to her, "Please, I miss you and the idea that you're with… him just makes me so… I just…"

"I cannot believe you are doing this right now," Olivia scoffed after cutting him off, her perfectly brown eyes rolled over in disbelief, "I cannot believe that you are actually bringing this up while I am going through…" Olivia looked faint and Brian paled, "This isn't going to work," The look in her eyes sent a shiver through him and not a good one, "How can _this_ work if you can have the ability to send me into these panic attacks?" She backed away from him as she taped on her phone, "It's over Brian." The last three words caused Brian to do a double, "I'm sorry but you're not-"

"I'm not _him_?" Brian scoffed, the bitter taste in his mouth resonated over to his face, "So was this planned? You were just going to leave me eventually? All because Stabler decides that he wants to prance back into your life?" The world was crumbling, there was nothing left to stand on and Brian sucked in a sharp breath.

"I _asked_ for him!" Olivia responded, shutting Brian up, "I _need_ him, he can give me more then anyone else can in this world can." There were tears in her eyes, "I am so sorry that you could not cut any of this, I prayed that you would eventually. You never did and you never will." The disappointment in Olivia's eyes caused Brian to swallow down his anger and frustration.

"I love you," Brian grasped for anything he could, anything to stop the way she was looking at him, "I waited for you…"

"Waited for me?" Olivia scoffed, "You ran around with prostitutes for over a decade and…"

'Excuse me sir but I am going to have to ask you to leave," The receptionist walked up to him, "If you do not, I will phone the police."

"I _am_ the police," Brian snapped, upset once again that his Authority was being reckoned with. He did not understand what the big deal was, did people really think that little of him?

"Then she will call your superior…" Olivia threatened, "I'll send Nick or Amanda for the rest of my things at your house."

"So what? You're going to be homeless now? You can't go back to your apartment Olivia."

"She'll be with me," Elliot's voice sounded from behind Brian and he felt his blood boil. Elliot Stabler, the man who had the one thing that mattered to Brian, was there. He was standing there, challenging Brian. "You've done enough here don't you think?" Elliot's voice was eerily calm, "Now listen to the nice lady and leave before I press send," Brian looked to see Elliot's index finger on the send key with Brian's phone number dialed in.

"No," Brian looked at Olivia, "No, this isn't over."

"Brian…" Olivia looked desperate for something but he didn't know what. Brian never knew what Olivia was thinking and he wished that he could but it was all coming to a stop for him.

"It can't be over," Brian felt the floor fall from below him, "I thought that you… loved me."

"El?" Olivia looked past Brian and in a moment, Elliot was between them. The picture of another man in front of Olivia was enough to break Brian's heart entirely and he just shook his head, "Please leave." Keeping his gaze on Olivia's, Brian did not budge for a few moments until Elliot held the phone up and that was his signal. Olivia Benson was no longer his and it was then that Brian wondered if she really _ever_ was his. Taking one last look at her, he turned to leave the office, remembering what she said to him. Perhaps Olivia did deserve better then him but why did it have to be Stabler?

A few Minutes Later….

"I feel awful," Olivia felt her hand shaking, "How could he just show up like that? How?" She remembered Brian's face as she told him that it was over, that she no longer wanted him. That she had found what she had been looking for, that it had been lost and was now found. That things Brian had done in the past were not OK and she was done putting up with it.

"He's gone now," Elliot rubbed her back, they were outside of the office and Olivia ignored the cold air, "I mean… did you mean what you said when you told him it was over? Or were you just angry?" The fear in Elliot's eyes gave way as Olivia realized what he might be thinking. Did he think that she did not want him? That he was not the reason that she ended things with Brian? Olivia felt her tears stop and she just stared at Elliot, watching his facial features.

"El… I broke up with Brian because he's… well… he's not…" She lost her words, afraid of rejection and she felt like she was a teenager again.

"I know what you mean," Elliot's breath came out in white, the temperature was dropping and he led Olivia into the warm hallway inside, "Liv, there is not a human being on this earth that could take the place you have in me," His words made her freeze, her heart went up and she wondered if she was hallucinating. When she said nothing, he kept going, "I love my kids, more then anything and I loved Kathy. I never stopped loving her but…" Elliot gathered himself, "There is no promise for tomorrow so I am going to tell this to you now. Not tomorrow, not in the next hour… right now." Olivia stared at him, fire in her heart as she watched him grasp for words.

"What are you saying Elliot?"

"I'm saying something to you that I should have years ago… something that you need to hear and something I need to say." Taking a deep breath Elliot shut his eyes for a moment before opening them to hers, "I love you Liv. I do and I need you to know that last night was possibly the best night I have had in a long time. I mean all we did was sleep but I got to wake up to you next to me," There was a glint of hope in Elliot's eyes, "I felt alive again and I don't care how cheesy I sound right now, I should probably shut up to let you talk right?" Olivia could not find her voice; in fact she was positive that it was frozen along with her entire body. Was she hearing what she wanted to or was this really happening? She had heard that Post Traumatic Stress could do some major things to the mind. Was she truly there? Was she dreaming? Still no words came out of her.

"Liv?" Elliot sounded worried but she was still processing.

"Is this real?" She asked him in a hushed voice and a smile broke out over his face. As she kept wondering if it was all going on, Elliot did not waste him in cupping her face with his hands, she felt the sensation of touch and her eyes fluttered shut. She did not see him lean in but she did feel his lips on hers and her eyes shot open at that.

"Did that feel real?" Elliot said into her and his arms were around her to keep her steady, "Olivia?" She just stared at him before leaning into return his kiss, taking in how he tasted, how he smelled, how he felt. It was better then a dream and she wondered why it had taken them so long to realize it all but then she began to think and she pulled away.

"Is this such a good idea?" Olivia felt her knees buckle.

"I know that you're going through Hell right now," Elliot kissed her again, "I know that this might not be the best time but I really don't care. I love you, I don't care where you are in life or where I am. The fact that I love you is not going to change that,"

"Oh my God, you're serious," Olivia let out a gasp, "I'm having a little bit of a hard time with reality," She admitted to him and he just smiled at her, "I love you too," Saying this to Elliot Stabler sounded surreal so she tried again, "I love you…"

"You see, the only thing stopping me from kissing you earlier was the factor of your _boyfriend_ but now that there is no longer…"

"Oh really?" Olivia could not help the giddy feeling rise up inside of her, "Well… not that I'm complaining but why didn't you wait to kiss me until we were out of public?" Olivia gripped his neck and he smirked at her.

"What's so wrong with a PDA?"

"Nothing… there's nothing wrong with that… it's just I can't respond correctly in public." Olivia felt her body gravitate towards his and he held her as close as he could.

"You're a cop, you can get us out of it if we get caught," Elliot kissed her again and she had no choice but to laugh into him. Happiness spread through out her, she was in the arms of the man she loved more then anything in the entire universe. She was never going to let him go, she would keep him close to her always and nothing would ever change it.

"So I know I mentioned food…" Elliot's voice trailed off and Olivia shook her head, "Yeah I figured that food could wait," And he was kissing her again. Olivia did not pull away or protest; instead she took her time, letting herself feel him and all of him.

OOOOH FLUFFFFFF. OK so there we go. I had to get rid of Brian… I just had to and I had to get them to face their feelings, that is life. Life happens and I try to make my stories as real as possible. So now that Taming Fire if over, FEAR NOT. I am going to be updating my other stories that are in serious need of attention and alsooo working on new EO videos since they are seriously lacking!


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Ok so I know that everyone was not happy that the story was over. I got a few messages where I was like, "Oh… no don't be sad!" I mean I am not a pushover but I really don't want to end it that abruptly. So here we go.

Traffic could not go only slower as Elliot held Olivia's hand. He had no desire to talk to her; he wanted nothing more then to show her. Years and years of talking, watching one another and fantasizing was enough. Elliot was done with looking from afar. He was ready to experience and ready to feel… if only the damn traffic would move.

"You look frustrated," Olivia sounded slightly amused as they came to a stoplight. Her fingers entwined with his.

"Well in a few senses I am… what was I thinking? Not waiting until we were alone to kiss you?" Elliot thought of the taste of her lips and got even more antsy.

"Like you said, you didn't want to wait any longer," Olivia sounded back to how she used to be when she was with him, like nothing had ever happened and Elliot liked it that way.

"Yeah well you know me, I never think anything through." Elliot began to imagine what he was going to do to her and how he was going to do it.

"So what? You regret it?" Olivia's voice was like a tremble of pleasure and he shook his head.

"No! Of course not, I just should have done it a better way… it's like when you say something that sounded better in your head and did not think about what would happen."

"What you said could have come out better?" Olivia teased him.

"Yes, in other ways." Elliot was now seeing himself lift her up against the wall…

"Weren't you the one who said that it didn't matter what was going on?"

"Liv?"

"Hmm?"

"How long have you wanted me?" The question was tossed into the air like a hot air balloon and Olivia just looked stunned, a flush came over her and she gave him a suggestive look, "Exactly," Elliot felt her finger on his wrist and he tried to ignore it, "Liv I'm trying to drive."

"Oh… do you want me to stop?" Olivia asked in a mock innocent voice.

"No," Elliot's heart began to pound as he saw his building, he practically ran someone over as he pulled into his parking spot. He unbuckled his seatbelt and left the car with amazing speed. Just as Olivia got her door open and was stepping out, the car door was shut by Elliot. His body was pressed against hers, the kisses were passionate and Olivia held onto him. Forgetting about the people walking by, Elliot craved Olivia even more as he felt her body heat against his own.

"Oh God get a room," Someone muttered as they walked past them and Olivia laughed into Elliot.

"They're right," When she said this, Elliot hit the "lock" button on his keychain and hurried to his building. The elevator was unoccupied so there was much more groping to be had before they hit Elliot's door, "Oh…" She let out as Elliot did not wait until they were inside. The door was kicked shut with his foot and the moment their was no more contact with the world, he was ready for her. He had been ready for her the very first moment he laid eyes on Olivia.

"Kathleen?" Olivia whispered, looking around to make sure they were alone.

"Class until much later," Elliot began to unbutton his shirt, it was halfway done before he paused to look down at her, "Are you ok?" He wanted to make sure that she was not going to be triggered. Elliot did not want to hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable, if that was even possible.

"Are you kidding?" Olivia ripped the rest of his shirt open and pulled it off of him, "Does that answer your question?" He groaned into her mouth as he took her in again. Olivia was the most beautifully seductive woman he had ever laid eyes on, there was nothing wrong with her, she was flawless and she felt even better then Elliot had ever imagined. She overstepped the fantasy and he could not help how madly in love with her he was. There wasn't a part of her that he did not want and he showed her in his kisses.

"Screw reason," Olivia's neck became exposed and Elliot kissed it, his heart began to race when he realized what was about to happen. He had seen Olivia without a shirt before; she had pretended to be a prostitute to save his life. Elliot had been practically naked as Olivia clung onto him. Kissing his neck, Elliot had gotten a taste of how she smelled and it was a pure tease. If only it had been real and now it was. Elliot felt Olivia press her body against his, her shirt half off, he wondered if he would-

"It's hot in here don't you think?" She guided his hands to her buttons and he undid them, "I can't wait any longer," When she said this to Elliot his arms were around her entirely, he carried her into his bedroom and kicked the door shut. There was nothing else Elliot cared about at that moment; all he cared about was being with Olivia, being engulfed in her. When he set her on the bed, she looked up at him, her hand reaching out to caress him. He had no idea how long he would be able to last before ravishing her entirely. He bit his lip as Olivia went faster and before he knew it, he was the one returning the favor.

"Ok," Olivia said breathlessly, pulled him up to her so they were eye to eye. "Enough of that, we can do that later. I need you _now_." The lust in her eyes caused Elliot's pulse to rise and he hoped that the connection would not kill him entirely. It was however, the most amazing feeling he had experienced. The look on Olivia's face told him that she felt the same way as their bodies moved as one. Elliot made sure to kiss her and take his time, he felt her hands grasp his shoulders midway and he leaned down to kiss her so she moaned into him.

"I had no idea," She bit his lower lip and they went a bit faster. Elliot knew what she meant, the love they had was so strong he did not even need a lot of her. Just a little, just in inch and that was enough for him. Olivia held onto him again, tighter then before and he was getting lost in her. His hand found hers and she squeezed back as the ultimate climax hit them both. After an entire 30 seconds, Olivia finally went still. Her body glistening from excursion and Elliot felt the same calm she did.

"Next time will be longer," Elliot sighed into her and she laughed, "You don't know what you do to me Benson."

"Oh yes I do Stabler, it's the same thing you do to me," Hearing her use his last name turned him on again he felt himself ready for another round.

"We should eat," Olivia kissed his arm, "And I mean food."

"But I only want you," Elliot pouted and she rolled her perfect chocolate eyes.

"Such a cheesy line, so cheesy," Olivia teased him, "Even for you that was cheese."

"What can I say? You made me an idiot, that's not my fault."

"Speaking of cheese… some would great right now. Should we order in?" Olivia looked up at Elliot and he just started down at her, "What?" She smiled at him, "What's that look for?"

"What look?" Elliot could not contain the smile on his face.

"The look where you might combust from happiness."

"That's your fault too," Elliot kissed her nose and she dropped the take out menu she had picked up, "You make me an idiot and happy."

"So I make you a happy idiot?"

"The happiest," Elliot nuzzled her nose with his own, "I love you so much it's insane,"

"I know what you mean." Olivia's stomach grumbled and she groaned, "No… I don't care about food anymore either,"

"As the man who loves you, it is my job to make sure you have food," Elliot reluctantly pulled away from Olivia and she frowned, "What's wrong?"

"You're no longer next to me,"

"You are more then welcome to hang onto me while I make food,"

"What about Kathleen?" Olivia looked concerned all of the sudden and Elliot clasped his belt.

"Liv, she's on _our_ side OK? She's probably the only one who supports me through my new life style. No to mention she loves you,"

"Do you mean that she knows about your feelings for me?"

"She's perceptive. It's why she moved in," Elliot got serious, "After the separation of us," He sat back down next to her and pulled her close, her long hair cascading over his broad shoulder, "I went deep… deep down in a dark place and she was the only one who felt the need to help me. I told her that she didn't have to but as the depression got worse, she became more concerned." Elliot opened up.

"Depression?"

"The only other happiness I had in my life but you, were my kids." Elliot shrugged, "So of course kids will be kids, independent and what not, stick to their mother through a divorce. Liv, I will spend every singly day showing you how much I love you… I don't ever want for us to be apart ever again."

"I feel the same way, El." Olivia kissed him gently and Elliot felt his body respond to her. He felt himself get pulled towards her but he had to shake his head, "Food?" Olivia grumbled and he nodded.

"Yes and then many, many, many more hours of us…"

"Now I understand where the dessert saying comes from." Olivia chuckled, Elliot silencing her with a kiss, "I'm going to take a shower, and then I will join you."

"Ok," Elliot waited for her to get up but she didn't budge.

"Ok," She nodded, still not moving, "I thought you were going to go make food."

"And I thought that you were going to go take a shower." Elliot replied before his phone rang.

"Hello?" He answered quickly, ready to finish whatever he and Olivia were about to start.

"Hey dad!" It was Kathleen and she sounded like she was walking.

"Oh hi Honey, what's up?"

"Oh just getting out of class early but I have to head to Ariel's later to work on some horrible project so I won't be home. I am coming by to drop off dinner for you and Liv, since I know that you have not gone shopping for this week, Dad." Elliot Stabler gave himself props for having such a smart kid.

"Thanks sweetheart,"

"You're welcome, how is Liv feeling?"

"She's hanging in there," Elliot gave Olivia a knowing look, "She's feeling better."

"And you Dad? How are _you_ doing?" Kathleen sounded like a concerned parent, wasn't that his job?

"Wonderful," Elliot told the truth and he could have sworn he heard his daughter smile.

"Thought so," Kathleen sounded relieved, "I'm glad you have her back. I'm glad things are going to get better for you Daddy," She paused, "Both of you."

"You are something else you know that?" Elliot glowed with fatherly pride, "I love ya so much."

"Love you too Dad, I'll be home in about 45 minutes, give Liv a hug for me," And then she was gone. Elliot felt his heart rise up as he smiled coyly at Olivia.

"Well?" Olivia asked him.

"She's bringing us dinner…" The look of bliss that washed over Olivia's face was a sight that he wanted to witness every time she made it, "And she said she will be here in about 45 minutes."

"That long?" Olivia cocked on eyebrow, "I thought we were hungry _now_."

"I can think of something really fun to pass the time," Elliot threw the phone back onto the nightstand and grasped Olivia's hair softly in his right hand, "What do you say?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Olivia pulled him back down with her, the bed welcoming them back into their own world. Elliot had never been so happy and he had never known there was even a level of passion, tenderness and love this great. Now that he had it, he was never going to let go it go.

Ok so woot! Here is the awesome "consummation" scene that Chris Meloni mentioned, in my mind anyway. He said it, I just wrote it.

Love you guys and I hope this gave you some EO closure


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